LIFE OF A PERPETUAL HELPER: To Please I Shall Not !!

LIFE OF A PERPETUAL HELPER: To Please I Shall Not !!: I'm stuck rather than feel free to juggle with people around me. I'd rather spend the time I have just with  me than with others co...

To Please I Shall Not !!

I'm stuck rather than feel free to juggle with people around me. I'd rather spend the time I have just with  me than with others cos I got to do all kind of mumbo-jumbo act to please them. Yes, to please everybody has been my life policy ever since I'm still a kiddo. To please people by abiding to instructions by elders, adore the words by teachers, chat with all the jerks called classmates who just wanted their English homework corrected on the grammars, coursemates who had been wackos during lab or in the lecture hall, hostelmates who always never agreed to my changes or worst still never accepted my new looks and all those series of working colleagues I dealt with..boy..were they 'angels'?

 

Sometimes to please the people around you could be joyful, satisfying, rewarding and the list could go on in the context of positive aura but in reality it was unbearable at times cos you just don't portray our own individualism to all of them. I was scared to wear high-style fashion which was never near to haute couture since I would get more negative comments rather than positive ones as my changes were never accepted happily by others. The thought of 'beautifying' myself felt odd to these people because they may feel I don't deserve that because I only had weird appearance rather than that 'wow' factor. As such, I pleased them by just hiding away all those forbidden outfits in my wardrobe and just followed the fashion accepted by the lot as to ease them and not to threaten their awesome looks. 

 

From fashion, it went to pleasing people on attending functions which I hated most-WEDDING RECEPTIONS which irked me since I had to mingle with all those 'lovely' relations who would be more interested on our life updates rather than on our presence. All those gossipy aunties would be bragging about their children's achievement and the future grooms or brides they have for their adorable kid(s). You got to address ALL the elders with a smiling and respectful face, failing to do, we may be stamped as arrogant, snobbish and the list could go on and on. Putting family affairs aside, the horrifying ordeal gets better with pleasing all those nutheads at work who would be extremely geniuses when it comes to work and etiquette that simply makes us to choke them to death. No doubt pleasing 'Miranda Priestly-type' of bosses could be pain in the ass but at least would be worthy when opening up the year end payslip. However, lazy bumps called colleagues would make life more colourful since they would either blunder the given task or piles of work lands on our shoulder which I had to complete with much effort since I had to maintain my precious work relationship with them.

 

Now, once for all, I have scraped that image of 'Pleasing' Sagaya to a 'Big No-No' Sagaya to all those who shuts me from being myself. I say a big 'NO' to all that discomforts me either to my relations or to all those people out there because I just wanted to be me, myself. I wanted my individualism, I wanna glam up, I wanna diet till bones are visible, I wanna go places where humans don't go and just fly without any restrictions. I always thought that pleasing someone at some point just barricades my happiness and pleasure which I ought to get freely since many out there live their fullest by just simply saying 'No' to matters they don't agree with. I would wanna join them and make my world more adventurous and fun to live in. I took up French class eventhough I'm stuck in a factory at Timbaktu and had to drive all the way to KL on a Monday evening just to learn a language I cherished ever since I'm small. I would want to go for vacations with whatever money I have just to get out of the boring lifestyle I'm stuck with right now. I wanna take up more classes either dance or more language classes as to make my mind, body and soul to be active at all times albeit those mundane lifestyle of working for 5 days, off for another 2 days, back again to square one plus the ordeal of travelling up and down from home to work.

 

I'm gonna sought for more new things to make me happy. New people, new place to work, new place to see, glam up and take more of my photoshots to be posted into Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and Foursquare to let the whole world know that I love my life. And of course, all this to point out to all - To Please I Shall Not again !!!

 

Luv,

Perpetual Helper...

 

 

All is Well With Nanban

I had to write, tell, declare, shout out to everyone my uncontrollable happiness after watching a magnificent piece of work entitled Nanban, the Tamilized version of 3 idiots. I may have watched the original version of the movie, however, still felt amazed by the storyline which was simply superb and something to be shared to everyone if there are people out there who had not watched the movie yet. There are no words to describe, it was more like a breath of fresh air for me after Varanam Ayiram which just mesmerized me the last time I watched it  a couple of years ago.

Nanban was a pat on my shoulder, a slap to my face, a recall to my misery, a joy to my heart and to be frank, more of a reviving chicken soup for my gloomy soul. There was an inner voice in my brain that has been bugging and telling me to catch the movie at the nearest cinema but I have been going against it by telling, " I have watched 3 Idiots before and what difference will it make with this one? ". Well, I was totally wrong and regretted for procrastinating the days for not re-watching the improvised version of the original movie. To tell the truth, I was not into  the  haggard -looking Vijay, neither  the same-imaged Jeeva or  the clean-shaven Srikanth or a bald-looking Satyaraj or even the belly dancer-waisted lleana, it was simply because of the temptation from the omnipotent saying which keeps on appearing on my Facebook's  home- ALL IS WELL. It all fell into places and I regained back myself after all the commotions that’s been going around until I made a point to watch the 9.15 pm show yesterday at Klang’s LFS ALONE and came out of the theatre satisfiedly.

I didn’t intend to write a review or comment about the movie but instead to share to the world that how much the story could be related in everybody’s life. Having the RIGHT FRIEND at the RIGHT TIME and at the RIGHT PLACE is simply God’s answer to our prayer when we’re lost at the very crossroad that forces us to choose between two deadly options that will alter the status, lifestyle, wealth and of all, our HAPPINESS. The characters came to life or may resemble to someone at someplace at sometime of his or her life when series of tough choices are to be made – between studying Form Six to become a pharmacist or doing a crappy diploma in agriculture simply for not missing the local Indian quota to enter the local university, between a degree in Biochemistry or Veterinary Medicine or Chemical Engineering, between a QA job or doing a postgraduate teaching course, between talking about Jane Austen’s novel  at an English class or giving training on  technical  work instruction to workers, between choosing  Masters in TESL or MBA, between working in KL or Klang and the list goes on and on.

ALL the OPTIONS would have it’s answers by two subjective yet the BEST means to all of US- that is by FOLLOWING OUR HEART and having an angelic NANBAN in our life. I truly believe that the message has clearly been highlighted in every part of the story that we should follow our hearts to achieve our dreams and passion, never study or do a job that doesn’t  make us happy and always believe that SUCCESS will follow when TALENTS and HARDWORK lead our lives. We may have come across this NANBAN or FRIEND in our lives- either in the form of our parents, siblings, the love of our lives, our coursemates, seniors , working colleagues or even Netizens out there who could have identified us to ourselves, had digged out our hidden and unknown talents, brought the best out of us, groomed us and make us shine like polished diamonds. If we have them in our lives NOW, never let them go and cherish them as they deserve all the credits and if not, start finding for these ANGELS WITHOUT WINGS and make life a meaningful one. The cream of the movie, the celebrant of the movie , Rancho in Hindi  or Pari in Tamil is the DREAM FRIEND everyone would love to have or should have as he is a guru who enlightens, a  genius with generosity, a companion to cheer, a shoulder to cry, a beacon of hope when the world shuts us down, a ladder for success and of all a guardian angel who would pray and wish for our well-being.

Another lesson which just appeals to me is the concept of, ALLLL IS WELL (Indian slang) which consoles ourselves that whatever happens has a reason and we should calm ourselves at ANY point of complicated situations by simply pacifying our ‘scardy cat’ heart  so that it will not be in fear. The term ‘All is Well’ is more of a simplified version of Gitasaaram which was proclaimed by Lord Krishna to Arjunan, more of an advise which states that whatever that's suppose to happen has happened and it happened for a good reason. Alas, I will be spreading the good news to everyone I meet and definitely will try to keep on saying, "All is Well" when I go blank or tensed up with complications in my life.

The movie had undoubtfully recollected the unsung angelic Nanban(s) I came across in my 27 years of life from kindergarten up to now. Some tried, impressed, justified and breezed through but there are some who had resided permanently in my heart and mind. These Nanban(s) I will cherish forever for the lessons they have thought me, for their genuine care and concern,  their jokes that made me laugh, for standing by me during hard times, being my advisors, my choreographers, fashion consultants, travelmates, ‘guinea pigs’ for trying my cooking and my well-wishers. All thanks goes to my BFFs- Mrs. Soosayamah Arokiasamy (my beloved mum), William Santiago, Segar Balakrishnan, Ganesan Manikam and Yogeswaran Batumalay. You people are the Rancho/ Pari, the NANBANs that have made me for who I am now...And to all out there, just FOLLOW YOUR HEART and continue saying " ALL IS WELL".....

Ekspektasi Jiwa

Hari-hariku berlalu seperti biasa, penuh dengan komitmen dan tugasan-tugasan harian yang semakin menjadi-jadi, tidak pernah susut dan sukar untuk diatasi. Sungguh pun begitu, aku hadapi kesemua kerjaku dengan penuh kesabaran kerana percaya satu hari nanti kesemua ini akan berakhir diganti suatu berkat yang boleh mengubah hidupku yang jemu ini. Adakalanya aku membendung hatiku daripada ekspektasi yang menggunung dan adakalanya hatiku duka kerana kesemua ekspektasiku adakalanya guling ke lurah yang sangat dalam.

Bagaimana perasaan suka yang teramat sangat terhadap sesuatu yang tidak mudah diperolehi boleh aku gantikan dengan logik dan perasaan yang munasabah? Bagaimana sekiranya harapan itu sesuatu yang boleh dicapai seperti mendapatkan telefon bimbit pintar yang terkini atau mengembara ke Paris, kota cinta yang aku kagumi sejak dahulu lagi? Kedua-duanya hanya memerlukan wang dan tarikh yang sesuai untuk dicapai tetapi bagaimana pula dengan harapan yang sukar diukur dan diberi nilai seperti perasaan marah, kecewa, gembira dan sedih yang hanya boleh dirasai pada masa-masa yang tertentu.

Adakah salah untuk mengekspektasi ataupun untuk orang lain menaruh ekspektasi terhadap kita? Memang sukar untuk memujuk hati manusia ini yang liar dan tidak mengenal batasan kerana hati hanya mahu kegembiraan yang tidak terhingga dan ianya diperolehi dengan menaruh segala harapan pada sesuatu yang mungkin atau tidak mungkin tercapai. Ekspektasi yang paling sukar melibatkan perasaan kita terhadap seseorang, tidak kira samada mereka mempunyai pertalian darah atau tidak, cuma had ekspektasi menjadi sempadan kepada hati. Aku sedar bahawa ekspektasi oleh atau pada ibubapa atau saudara mudah diatasi kerana mereka adalah insan-insan yang boleh kita endahkan atau  terima hakikatnya apabila ekspektasi mereka atau kita tidak tercapai. Ianya juga tidak memberikan banyak perbezaan untuk menerima ekspektasi daripada orang yang tiada pertalian darah tetapi telah mengenali kita sejak kecil lagi dan ekspektasi daripada atau terhadap mereka boleh ditawar atau dijual tanpa sebarang kesukaran.

Kehidupan menjadi sukar dan kompleks apabila ekspektasi itu adalah terhadap satu golongan khas yang akan muncul dalam kehidupan kita sebagai teman khas, kekasih ataupun yang diidam. Sekiranya situasi membenarkan kita menyampaikan ekspektasi kita pada WAKTU yang betul, di TEMPAT yang betul dan pada ORANG yang betul, maka itu merupakan kejayaan yang terbesar bagi seseorang individu yang menaruh perasaan kasih sayang atau cinta yang mendalam. Tetapi sekiranya salah satu daripada yang dinyatakan tidak sejajar, maka disitulah kesukaran menjadi musuh kepada ekspektasi. Adakalanya bila kita menaruh hati pada orang yang mempunyai pendirian dan falsafah hidup yang unik atau berbeza, cara untuk menyampaikan ekspektasi itu menjadi lebih kompleks dan besar kemungkinan akan berakhir dalam kedukaan. Orang perseorangan ini akan menjadikan hidup sungguh susah untuk dihadapi terutamanya apabila bersua muka setiap hari dan terpaksa menyembunyikan segala suka dan idaman tanpa disyaki oleh mereka. Gelak ketawa mereka yang ditujukan kepada orang lain akan membuakkan perasaan kecewa, marah dan cemburu dalam diri kerana kesemua yang manis itu tidak ditujukan kepada kita tetapi kepada mereka yang celaka.

Sungguh sukar bagiku menghadapi kian hari dengan hanya berdiam diri dan melayani kerenah individu itu tanpa berkata apa-apa tetapi dipelusuk hati berasa lega kerana masih boleh bercakap, berdiri dan menegurnya setiap hari sebagai salah seorang daripada yang banyak. Bilakah masanya aku akan luahkan ekspektasiku tanpa berasa takut? Adakah ekspektasiku sahih dan boleh diterima? Bolehkah ekspektasiku tercapai? Saban hari aku melakukan apa yang terbaik untuk menyampaikan pelbagai pembayang kepada individu tersebut mengenai ekspektasiku padanya, adakalanya ianya diendahkan dan adakalanya dinilai semula. Hmmm..berapa lama perlu kutunggu? Biar masa menjadi penentu...

Sempena Bulan Bahasa Kebangsaan,

Penolong Abadi

In Search For Change

Wow, it's been like half a year since my last blog..So much of tasks and events engulfed my humble life that  I could not keep to my word to continue blogging. After May 2011, series of many unfortunate and mild fortunate events took place that made me kept going, thanks to the undispensable Facebook, the musical Youtube, my bubbly and awesome buddies and my mentor plus best friend mum..With all of them, the 6 months went through smooth eventhough there were hurdles for me to leap unexpectedly and deep trench I fell and rose back. If I see myself as a computer system, there were some 'glitches' I had to face in the form of new acquitances that made me to go through emotional roller coaster which I managed to juggle smartly without creating a bigger domino effect. Saying  a big NO and putting a fullstop to a painful ordeal was definitely a big decision to make and glad it's over with the help of my loved ones.

Moving on from a soapy drama, comedy took its place in my life; at work mostly, with all the Lucys and Charlie Chaplins who coloured my plain canvas life into an artistic modern life which I know may not be at par to Picaso and Van Gogh's masterpiece but I suppose at least of a local amateur artist's work . These people were there to tease, play rough and educate me now and then without any prejudice to make my life a bliss and kept sadness at bay. As for occasions, Raya was an austere affair with work going on and yet engaging myself with fun activities with my happening buddy; Yoges, who had to stay back like me as well to work during the holidays. After that, there was the National and Malaysia Day which were just plain days but were perfect time to take lots of nap and unwinding myself from all the stress at work.

Along the way during the 6 months, I learnt that I've been losing my temper at times and needed to manage my anger wisely without having loggerheads with people especially with the hopeless ones at work who would just be as dumb and unchangable as usual to whom I had to grin and just bear with. Handling old timers was no easy job for a culture that practices 'lazyism' and 'egocentrism' for more than a decade and getting things going with a 'capable' captain of the ship was like bringing coal to Newcastle. On the other side of the page, the new ones were the victim of circumstances who had to take orders for no good reason and execute their work pointlessly resulting in losing hope to continue their current contribution to an organization that was more concerned of their treasury than their priceless brainy people. We had interns coming in and going out, a particular new colleague who came, conquered our hearts and left us with fond memories for something better ahead of him. His presence may have been short but left an impact to some of us by saying that intelligence is not the only thing that makes us who we are and there are other virtues that brings optimism in our imperfect life.

In a man-eating-man world, it is a rare opportunity to meet someone with such persona who is selfless, caring, believes in humanity and definitley had shown pure love and friendship to fellow friends before leaving to a far more better establishment which is where the person should belong. I and my other friends would definitely miss the cute hummings and witty talks of  Ryan Gan whom we will not forget to call for dinner whenever we're having our buddy's day out to the famous American fried chicken outlet.

All I wish now is for more changes to happen, to me and to others, at one point that will bring better opportunity in life either in the form of new friends, companion, love, marriage, work, class, car, pay and places so that Mother Earth will not be a boring place to be and more people will stay here without killing each other or commiting suicide..well, just kidding with the last two sentences...Needless to say, I'm also looking forward for the weekends since I've got new tasks to complete and definitely the end of the month to celebrate the Festival of Light..I'm gonna fix a date to go on a shopping spree at the Indian street at Klang and eventually feast my eyes as well...hmmm...Of course, I'm eagerly waiting for Lady Gaga's next crazy song, more movies, new food, new cloths, handle my current tasks wisely and in the look out for more and more wacky changes to take place in my life.

With happy changes to come...

Sagaya@Perpetual Helper

Enchanting Easter !!!

It has been quite a long time since my last blog and this year's Easter Vigil was different indeed for me to shout out to the whole wide world !!! It was not the usual celebration at my hometown, Teluk Intan a.k.a Diamond Bay but at Ipoh, the hometown to tantalizing white coffee, the mystical drink that I would climb any mountains or fight any dragons in the dungeons (I know it's too flowery and a bit blowing the trumpet but I just had to confess openly looking at the level of addiction I have for the roasted Coffea arabica).

The celebration, to my suprise, turned from a long planned event to a sought-after moment in respect to the 40 days of abstinence by Christians during Lent at the much adored Our Lady of Lourdes, my mum's maiden parish, a famous landmark at Ipoh which rekindles back my old childhood memories where I used to go for mass with my lovely Aunt Philomena and her children, my wittiful-adventure loving cousins during primary school holidays. Those were the days in a glimpse of a moment and here I am, all dressed in my best to celebrate the coming of Christ the King at the face-lifted old church. It was definitely quite jittery passing by the parishioners who are total strangers whose eyes will be oogling at each other to look for who's who present there. Too me, a special celebration at church means more like attending a  summer fashion at Paris since most of the youngsters will be in the latest trends; guys in the latest western attires accompanied with bizarre hair-do and belles in the most recent chudithars and sarees (can't catch up anything western as I attended the Tamil mass) which might have appeared in latest release of Tamil movies.

In the slightest gap me and my mum had inside the church, we were sinful enough to actually criticize the fashion faux pas (fashion crime in laymen term) made by some female and male parishioners ('Lord' Versace and 'Saint' Donna Karan, please forgive them) for parading in odd-scary colours and aged-old outfits which was best worn in the 90's. I wonder whether they realized or were very much carried away with their faith that they had disappointed a self-proclaimed fashion critic like me who with much high expectation looking forward for something extraordinary or at least lively enough to feast my sleepy eyes ( the mass started late and the long drive was unbearable).

Moving away from the horrible sight, I managed to console myself to focus into the Eucharistic celebration and was eager for the mass to end 'peacefully' especially after hearing the parish priest's heartful speech. After mass, my mum had a short reunion with her old childhood friend, the bubbly Aunty Grace who was extremely happy to have met her beloved old friend and also stole some of her time to say a word or two of advise to me, the eligible bachelor waiting-in-line for marriage. Next and next,  did I had my eye candy after that? Yup, a bevy of beauties in breathtaking 'kanchipuram cotton' sarees did make my heart stop for awhile and left some fond memories for me to smile. With a contented heart, we left the church for a late dinner at one of the famous eateries at old town of Ipoh which used to be my mum's favourite spot to hang out when she was a young Ipoh resident. All I could say, this year, Easter was different,  people were new and life is moving into a new phase...A definite YES to the comment by Oprah in the header...it's real..

Perpetual Helper

A Belated Surprise !!!

I never thought I would get another surprise after 3 weeks had passed after my birthday. It was April Fool's day but I hardly got fooled by anybody on that day except a lame attempt by one of my Nepalese worker who wanted to fool me, being his grumpy co-superior. Nevertheless, everything went on fine on a beautiful Friday including the moment when my happening buddies invited me for a casual boys day out on the very same night and I was undecided on whether to go or not as I was drop dead tired and thought of just hanging out at home. When I called my buddy, Hamizan and wanted to call it off, he insisted on me coming to the day out and threatened me that I don't have any rights to cancel the dinner. It was kind of odd for me because I always considered myself the average guy who doesn't have much to say in the group but suddenly was given all the importance to be the distinguished guest as if I'm to be felicitated  in the dinner.

When asked the venue in the afternoon, they said it's Pizza Hut and my suggestion to change was turned down sarcastically.Why? Never knew the answer...I went back home, did my chores like a busy bee, took shower and dressed up for the 'ballroom' dinner I'm suppose to have with my '3 dates'...As it was not the usual pizza outlet we used to hang out and it's actually the Shah Alam outlet, I had to follow my wild instinct and verbal directions given to me by my buddy to find the way. Finally, I managed to find the outlet and parked my car. It was a huge outlet and basically I had to phone track my lunatic buddies amongst the sea of young people seated at the outlet. With much excitement, I reached the table, we had our usual sarcasms and crazy laughters as were we expecting  for another friend to come. While waiting for our other long-time-no-see friend, we ordered a sumptuous meal that indeed 'wowed' us since the menu said, " Be wowed". Our friend came, all of us tucked away the large meal heartily and continued with the pranks and useless jokes.And then, a moment came.. I was left alone with our guest friend  by Hamizan and the other two buddies, Yoges and Hoe who went missing-in-action for awhile. 

Appearing with a sinister smile, the three of them together with the guest friend popped a small wrapped box in front of me and said, " Happy Belated Birthday Sagaya"..I, on the other hand, sat there speechless and was basically scolding them for doing this which I felt unnecessary. Upon much persuasion by my sweet young buddies (they're all in their twenties and I'm in my pseudo-twenties), I unwrapped the box and much to my amazement, it was a white crystal slab, slightly thicker, with a pair of purple orchids entrusted into the stone with small pocket clock embedded to the surface of the stone. It was simply awesome and I thanked my friends for their humble effort to throw a belated surprise party and a gift to go along with. As I was indeed felicitated and treated, I thought it was my turn to pay them back by inviting them to catch a late night movie at the nearest cinema but unfortunately had to cancel it since all the lousy movies were going on that night.

So, the second option I had was to buy them a drink at the nearest mamak shop.Unable to have a grand feast due to the 'wowed' meal we had earlier, we ordered hot drinks and opted for satay and juicy tandoori chicken instead. There we were, all four of us, joking and laughing away like some college kids and forgetting the past and never bothered on what's to happen tomorrow. After having the long hang out together, we headed home with groggy eyes and bulgy tummies. While on my way back, all I could think of is, I'm happy for what my workmates who are now my thick friends had done for me. I don't want to sound soapy and all I could say, "Thanks a lot guys !!!".

Perpetual Helper